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Lightning Fill In The Blank

May 23, 2020
Originally published on May 23, 2020 11:05 am
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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Now onto our final game, Lightning Fill In The Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?

BILL KURTIS: Maz has four. Alison has three. And Tom has one.

TOM BODETT: I'm pacing myself.

SAGAL: You are.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, Tom. You're in third place. You're up first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, the Supreme Court temporarily blocked the House from accessing grand jury documents from blank's investigation.

BODETT: The Mueller investigation.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, a new study said that almost 40,000 COVID-19 deaths could've been prevented if the U.S. had begun blanking one week earlier.

BODETT: Social distancing.

SAGAL: Yeah, sheltering in place.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Tuesday, thousands of residents had to be evacuated after a blank collapsed in Michigan.

BODETT: Oh, a dam.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Caribou Coffee is asking workers to sort through their pre-pandemic supply of cup sleeves and remove the ones that say blank.

BODETT: Oh, it's - that say go outside.

SAGAL: Close enough. It says fight the urge to remain indoors.

BODETT: Oh, yeah.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Following a study linking it to cancer, Johnson & Johnson announced they would stop selling blank in the U.S.

BODETT: Oh, that baby powder, talcum powder.

SAGAL: Yeah, talcum powder. Isn't that weird?

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: After 17 years underground, millions of blanks are expected to emerge on the East Coast this week.

BODETT: Oh, the locusts, right? Isn't that what...

SAGAL: I'll give it you. They're cicadas.

BODETT: The cicadas, yeah.

SAGAL: That's close enough.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, a team of researchers announced a new way to test for COVID-19.

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: You just blank on your phone.

BODETT: Oh, you hock a loogie on it. You...

SAGAL: No. Again, Tom, I'm feeling merciful. I'll give it to you. You sneeze on it.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

BODETT: Thank you.

SAGAL: According to the developers, all you have to do is attach this sensor to your phone and then sneeze right onto it to find out whether you test positive for coronavirus. It's a huge step forward for testing. It also marks the first time you can sneeze on something and actually make it cleaner. Bill, how did Tom do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Well, Tom had seven right for 14 more points. He now has 15 points and the lead.

SAGAL: All right. I believe, Alison, you're up next. Here we go.

ALISON LEIBY: OK.

SAGAL: Here we go. Fill in the blank. As of Wednesday, all 50 states had started taking the first steps to easing blanks.

LEIBY: Quarantines?

SAGAL: Yeah, lockdown restrictions.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Tuesday, a U.S. appeals court said the New York Board of Elections could not cancel that state's blank.

LEIBY: Primary?

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, Senate Republicans approved a subpoena for documents relating to blank's work in Ukraine.

LEIBY: Hunter Biden?

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: In a tweet on Monday, President Trump threatened to permanently end funding of the blank.

LEIBY: Women?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The WHO. This week, a convenience store in Virginia was robbed by blank.

LEIBY: Bears?

SAGAL: By two men wearing watermelons with eye holes cut out of them.

LEIBY: Of course (laughter).

SAGAL: On Thursday, blank claims rose by another 2.4 million people.

LEIBY: Unemployment.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, a woman in Scotland was forced to return to her office...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...After nine weeks away when she realized she had left blank in her desk.

LEIBY: A plant?

SAGAL: No, a banana. The woman had no idea how long she'd be stuck working from home. So when she first left the office, she only took the essentials, which didn't include her just-ripe banana. Two months later, she suddenly remembered it was still there and rushed back to find that all that was left was a shriveled pitch-black husk. Approximately...

LEIBY: She was eager to make that banana bread.

SAGAL: Apparently, yes.

BODETT: If it would've been a Twinkie, it would've still been there and just fine.

SAGAL: Yeah, I know, man.

LEIBY: Just fine.

SAGAL: Pick your snacks with an eye to the future catastrophe. I think that's the lesson. Bill, how did Alison do in her first-ever quiz?

KURTIS: Well, the marvelous Ms. Alison had four right for eight more points. She now has 11, but Tom still has the lead with 15.

SAGAL: Oh, my gosh. How many, then, does Maz need to win?

KURTIS: Maz needs six to win.

SAGAL: Here we go, Maz. This is for the game. On Wednesday, the WHO reported the biggest one-day increase in blank cases on record.

MAZ JOBRANI: Coronavirus.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Stating concerns over COVID-19, workers for fast food giant blank went on strike on Tuesday.

JOBRANI: McDonald's?

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, Trump threatened to withhold federal funds to Michigan and Nevada over the state's plans to expand voting by blank.

JOBRANI: Mail.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, a British woman told the BBC she was annoyed that people broke quarantine to go to a public beach while she was blanking.

JOBRANI: While she was sunbathing.

SAGAL: While she was breaking quarantine to go to the very same beach. On Thursday, actress Lori Loughlin agreed to plead guilty for her part in the blank scandal.

JOBRANI: That's the college scandal.

SAGAL: Her college admission scandal.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Ken Osmond, the actor best known for playing Eddie Haskell on blank, passed away at the age of 76.

JOBRANI: On "Leave It To Beaver."

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Researchers in the Antarctic say they're suffering from effects similar to laughing gas...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...After they inhaled too much blank.

JOBRANI: In the Antarctic, they inhaled too much stardust.

SAGAL: Too much penguin poop.

JOBRANI: Aw.

SAGAL: It's nice to know that science has finally found the line between too much penguin poop and just enough. The researchers say that the poop is high in nitrous oxide and that inhalation can cause feelings of giddiness and euphoria. It's an interesting scientific find, but it's a little weird that it was discovered by a group of scientists who were there to study glaciers. Bill, did Maz do well enough to win?

KURTIS: He had five right, one short, 10 more points for a total of 14. That means with 15 points - can you believe it? He came out of left field. Tom is our winner.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE SOUND EFFECT)

BODETT: Thank you. All right, no, please, everyone. Just sit down.

JOBRANI: I think inhaling the penguin poop threw me off.

BODETT: Right. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.