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Limericks

Nov 21, 2020
Originally published on November 21, 2020 9:09 am
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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank, but first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on-air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT - that's 1-888-924-8924 - or you can click the contact us link on our website. That's waitwait.npr.org. You can check out the WAIT WAIT podcast feed to hear our new bonus podcast, Letter From The Editors, where you can hear bits from our cutting room floor. It's almost good enough to broadcast.

Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

NOLAN PARKER: Hi, this is Nolan Parker (ph) calling from Los Angeles, Calif.

SAGAL: Hey, Nolan. What do you do in LA?

PARKER: I just moved here about a month ago, so I'm really just discovering every nook and cranny of the inside of my house.

SAGAL: Right. Yeah. I mean, and there's the ocean and the mountains and the desert all somewhere outside your house.

PARKER: Exactly.

SAGAL: And why did you move to LA?

PARKER: I actually married my high school sweetheart, and she lives down here. So here we are.

SAGAL: Good for you. So you married her, and you moved to be with her.

PARKER: Yes.

SAGAL: And now you're locked in together.

PARKER: Exactly (laughter).

SAGAL: Well, good luck to you both, Nolan, and welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks, with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. You ready to play?

PARKER: Yes, sir.

SAGAL: All right. Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: These gulls work on more than a hunch. First, there's none. Then at noon, there's a bunch. They are marking their time by the school's warning chime. They all know when the kids break for...

PARKER: Lunch.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: An ornithologist...

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE SOUND EFFECT)

SAGAL: ...In the U.K. determined that seagulls who live near a school actually plan their feeding times around school lunch periods. That is a surprisingly smart tactic from a bird who clearly doesn't know what the sea is. You're a seagull, not a recess gull.

Apparently, the seagulls observe schools. They watch kids who are outside for lunch. And while that sounds a little creepy, the birds adjust their feeding times to match lunchtime. They gather on rooftops, and they swoop in and get anything the kids aren't holding onto. So if you're a kid at the school, you need to protect your French fries. But we all know that it is great for that one kid who's, like, sitting there drenched in bird poop who's like, I'm not sitting alone. I'm not sitting alone.

NEGIN FARSAD: (Laughter) I'm just glad to see that there's, like, a seagull lunch program because I thought that we would have cut that from the budget.

SAGAL: Yeah. I know. A lot of seagulls don't get hot meals back in their - I don't know where seagulls live.

FARSAD: Caves.

SAGAL: Yeah, in their seagull caves. All right. Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: I know this may come as a shock. That device where you comment and block - there is also a choice to connect with a voice. Yeah, your phone can be used to just...

PARKER: Talk.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

PAULA POUNDSTONE: (Laughter).

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE SOUND EFFECT)

SAGAL: You sound young. You may not know this. You can do that on your phone. A new study says the best way to make lasting, deep connections with people is to talk to them rather than texting or emailing. These findings were so shocking, the researchers made the surprised emoji with their real faces.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So apparently, according to this study, talking creates a more intimate connection to other people than typing or swiping. That makes sense. Trauma bonds people, you know, like the trauma of having to talk to a person on a phone. But if you're used to texting, you can adapt. Just say a sentence, hang up and then call back the next day when you remember they exist.

MO ROCCA: Nolan, are you a texter or a talker?

PARKER: I'm a texter more than a caller for sure.

POUNDSTONE: I could tell by the long pause before you talked.

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: Well, and I find myself now, when I call people, kind of apologizing at the start like, I'm so sorry. I know this is kind of crazy calling you out of the blue...

SAGAL: I know.

ROCCA: ...Mom.

(LAUGHTER)

FARSAD: But I...

SAGAL: Nolan, here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: The new fragrance we're trying to cook is of paper and snugness and nooks. Soon, Powell's allows you to feel like you've browsed. Just one spritz and you'll smell like our...

PARKER: Books.

KURTIS: Books it is.

SAGAL: Yes. Very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Powell's Bookstore - Powell's World of Books to its fans.

POUNDSTONE: Love it.

SAGAL: In Portland, they released a book-scented perfume. It's the perfect smell if you want to make people think, did an old carpet just walk by?

FARSAD: (Laughter).

SAGAL: It's called Powell's by Powell's, and it has notes of, quote, "violet, wood and cat dander." The perfume is about 25 bucks, and it's great for when your arms get tired showing everyone what book you're reading on the subway. The scent is already sold out, but there's plenty of other ways to show people you read books. There's tote bags, tiny mustaches, a dumb hat. The list is endless. Bill, how did Nolan do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Summa cum laude, Nolan. You got them all right - perfect score.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE SOUND EFFECT)

SAGAL: Congratulations.

PARKER: Thank you guys so much.

SAGAL: Take care, Nolan.

POUNDSTONE: Thanks a lot.

SAGAL: Bye-bye.

PARKER: Bye-bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "SMELL THE FUNK")

BUDDY GUY: (Singing) I can smell it, baby. Can you smell it, too? I can smell it, baby. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.