At the Thunder River Theater in Carbondale on Saturday, the lights were dim. A woman passed by with a box of tissues as the audience chattered in anticipation.
It was a hint at the emotion to come later in the performance. Throughout the nearly two-hour show, stories touched on the tough and tender parts of being a woman for the biennial Women’s VOICES theater project.
Nina Gabianelli stood tall at the center of the stage, her long grey hair pulled back.
“I made a decision in my twenties not to have children,” she said. “Not because I wouldn’t crush it, but because I wanted a career.”
But later in life, she said she encountered an unexpected form of motherhood.
Her monologue detailed how when her mom needed a caretaker, she found herself in a motherly role — cleaning, doing laundry and changing diapers.
To make the most of their final years together, Gabianelli quit her job and drove her mom around the country to explore the outdoors.
Eighteen national parks and 18 months later, Gabianelli stayed by her mom’s side until the very end. She played a clip of their final exchange.
Propped up in bed, her mom uttered her last words: “Goodbye, for now.”
Performer Ashley Stahl also didn’t expect to experience being a mother.
In the show, Stahl shared her experience navigating motherhood as a transgender woman. From a friend volunteering to be a surrogate to her mom showing her how to breastfeed, Stahl had a community of women to help her every step of the way.
“I did not figure out what it means to be a woman alone. I had teachers,” she said. “Women who showed me that womanhood isn't something you receive, it's something you practice every day when everything's on the line, and you show up anyway.”
After months crafting the show, Stahl also gained a sense of connection with her fellow performers.
“Even as a transgender woman, the struggles that I've had are actually very much just parallel versions of the same struggles that all women have,” she said.
For some of the first-time performers, just getting to the stage required a leap of faith.
Even after the first night, for Nuni Zeeni, there was only one word to describe the feeling.
“Terrifying,” she said.
Even though it was intimidating, Zeeni knew she wanted to be part of a Women’s VOICES performance since she saw one two years ago.
“I don't even remember the stories, I just remember the feeling, and the feeling was touched, speechless … in awe of the bravery that I witnessed on stage,” Zeeni said.
Figuring out how to tell her story through theater took months of workshopping with her fellow performers and director Jennifer Hughes.
“This is a very vulnerable and deep and intense process, and to get to do it alongside other women feels a lot less scarier,” she said.
Zeeni ended up with a three-part performance about her journey learning how to stop shrinking out of fear.
Growing up as a young Mexican-Lebanese woman, staying quiet and playing dumb was a form of self-preservation, she said.
“How do you ever feel comfortable using your voice when silence has kept you safe, has kept you alive?” she asked in the performance.
Later in the show, she spoke of women throughout history who were punished for their intelligence, for speaking up or for simply existing.
She delivered her final monologue illuminated by a bright spotlight.
“How do I let go of this fear that's encoded in my DNA that I will be killed if I'm seen as intelligent or powerful?” she asked. “I've accepted that this is a lifelong unfolding, and I bravely stand in front of you now, commanding your attention, sharing my story.”
At the end of the show, all six performers stood together on stage, each chiming in with their own discoveries of womanhood.
Indhira Barron had the final word.
“I’m not only a mother. I am not only who they told me to be,” she said. “I am a woman becoming.”
Hand-in-hand, they walked off stage to a standing ovation.
